my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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