Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So much rum. So many feels.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
