now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
