24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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