i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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