is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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