my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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