how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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