I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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