Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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