I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
