I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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