She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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