I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
