He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
