as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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