Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
