the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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