i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
