Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
