Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
