I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
