Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
