I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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