if you like me you must not know who I am
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
