if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
