one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
