Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
