Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
