Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
