My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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