Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
