I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I could make wine with my vomit
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
