Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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