my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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