The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
