they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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