So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
