chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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