Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
