i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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