Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
