i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
