i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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