She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
