In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
