the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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