1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
