1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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