spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
